It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
