thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
