I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I cockslap morals
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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