So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
