Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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