i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
