Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
