he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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