Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
