Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
