I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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