Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
