This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
