Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
