I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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