dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
