Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
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