if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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