I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
