Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
