Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
