I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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