the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
