Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
