Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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