Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
