nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
