I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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