when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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