Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
