I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
