Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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