just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
