You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
