I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
