I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
