Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
