just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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