I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
