It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
