I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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