The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize