forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
