Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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