First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
