i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
