if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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