I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
