I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
