Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
