we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
